Fit Funny Viking

Hello. I'm Matt. Remember me? It's been a while since I wrote a bit of toilet reading for you. So much had happened in the last few months that it's hard to keep track of it all. That's probably why I don't. I tend to just allow useless information into my head and the other stuff is just sort of files under "open in the event mind numbingly boring conversation is required."  Anyway, enough of that nonsense. If you are familiar with my blog, you will know that at times, I may well skirt on the very edges of political correctness and because of that I issue a health and safety warning. If you're easily offended, then please stop right here. Or not, carry on so you have something to get angry about other than kids playing in the park...designed for kids. To play in.  Firstly, and I think quite obviously, the yawnfest of monumental proportions that is I'm a Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here. The usual hosts are back. Babbling gibbons Ant and/...

If you have watched the news recently or spent more than twenty seconds on social media, you will have seen that the Dorset seaside town of Weymouth is now the home of the Bibby Stockholm, a huge barge which is being used to house asylum seekers. Now, whatever your feelings on this, whether you agree with it of not, you cannot escape the fact that it has caused the general public and media to push open the racist door. What media companies are doing is speaking the the general public to ask their opinion and as usual this has proved to be a really, really bad idea. Not only because most people haven't got a clue about anything that doesn't involve fake tan and shit TV, but because a large proportion of the Great British public never fail to make the entire country look as if we may as well still be worshipping the moon. I can only imagine that reporters speak to hundreds of people and then pick out the stupidest ones to air. Like when the really awful singers get th...

Since we had the joy of COVID it seems as if everything is a "demic" of some kind. And with lots of new strains of many illnesses appearing, it really is amazing how the human race is still going. The thing is, the wonder of science in this instance really isn't helping. I love science, but there are certain times when I think, and this is my personal opinion so don't come at me, scientists should just leave shit alone. Just recently, as the Siberian Permafrost slowly melts away because we're not using our bags for life or something, lots of different things that have been non existent for literally millennia are resurfacing. One of which being called the Zombie virus. Now, I'm no expert, far from it in fact, but surely something like that should be left where it is, maybe even try and bury it deeper. Have post apocalyptic movies not taught these people a thing? No? People becoming brain dead monsters who want to do nothing but feast on human flesh...

Hello again and welcome once again to my insanely pointless collection of middle aged ramblings. Father's Day is here and it is a time for us dads to be subjected to those posts on Facebook from bitter women saying "Happy Father's Day to all the mum's out there who have to be mum and dad." Just fuck off. You don't get single dad's on Mother's Day saying "Happy Mother's Day to all the dads out there who have to be dad and mum." Why? For the simple reason that Netmums would explode. Anyway, side rant over. On to the matter in hand. As always I warn those who are easily offended and can't handle the slightest hint of political incorrectness to stop reading right now and go back to your herbal tea and essential oils.  First off, a bit of politics. Boris Johnson has resigned and is no longer a member of parliament. This has come in light of him being found out to have misled people, lied basically, about having a party during t...

Here we are once again with another collection of middle aged ramblings. Once again I will be giving my view on a few things happening around the world that have either hit the headlines or have just kind of been slapped on social media because the people concerned are mainly just trying to cling onto the very cliff edge of fame. The sort of people that may as well get on a megaphone and shout "I am relevant, I am" as they drive around in a clapped out Ford Transit. As ever I give my usual warning to anyone who finds offensive I'm literally everything, and instead of just scrolling and forgetting about it, they decide it must be banned forever. So, if you are one of these people then it's probably best you crack out your copy of Take a Break and leave this be. It gets a bit politically incorrect.  Firstly to the person who is the subject of this insanely intelligent title of this particular piece of work. The gift that just keeps on giving. Katie Price nev...

Here we are once again with my twisted look at some of the news stories hitting the headlines like the morning after a beer and a curry that frankly, is far to hot for human consumption, yet men all over the country feel the need to eat as some kind of display of masculinity. Sitting there sweating like Prince Andrew at the opening of a new primary school. Once again I add what is a necessary warning in this day and age. That being if you are easily offended by even the slightest hint political incorrectness, I would suggest you don't continue reading, rather get back on Facebook and complain about the noise coming from the local pub that was built 100 years before you moved next door to it.  Firstly to the Pope. I know, start with a bang. Pope Francis is expected to spend "several days" in hospital this week after surgery on his abdomen, removing a hernia. Far be it from me to suggest a reason he may have one, and I am not in any way medically trained, but I ...